update

Well as the story of life goes... I have been a busy lady! So i have a lot to report! I have shared my many struggles, insecurities and trails. I have worked hard to sort through most of my issues and I would like to tell you a bit more. About 4 and a half years ago a boy broke my heart and even more so i broke promises i had made with God. I felt ashamed and broken. I moved half way across the country to familiar grounds were i thought i could heal. I am not sure why but i felt that ignoring what had happened to me was the best way to deal. But it only made things worse. At first when i moved, i reached out to people but those doors were not open to me. I found other doors and I made great friends but i started to walk away from Jesus. I was tired and felt like God and His people could never love me so what was the point? I tried the usual things to distract me booze, boys, and my fav... shopping. This seemed to work for a while. I thought i had fooled everyone into thinking I was okay! Then one night I had a very good friend take me aside and tell me he was scared that i was walking away from something important to me! I shared with him how I felt but there was no excuses! How could I walk away from God? I knew He was real! but it was sooo scary to apologize and admit what I had done. I attempted to pull up my socks! I failed many times but i kept trying. In am unexpected turn of events, God called me to move again. This time to some place new and very windy! So i went and I sold every thing i could! I packed the rest in my jeep and went all by my self! I was all alone. It was me, my two cats and Jesus! i went through some really hard times and cried a lot! i was broken alright!
But for the first time i was starting to become the person I always wanted to be. It took a couple months but i found a church that seemed made for me. Full of screw ups like me! It was awesome! My best friend became a Christian and after my journey I had to make sure he understood the cost of becoming a Christian! It made me realize the life Christ called me to! I tried hard to make choices i could make sustainable. I was challenged in how to live my life as a shopaholic!
I started going to counseling. I fought, laughed, mourned, learned, questioned, listened with my counselor. I got a consolidation loan. I bought a house. I confronted demons from my past. I became honest. I received healing. I got out of debit. I left clothing retail, I am shinny again, I restored relationships and I continue too and I fell in love with Jesus all over again. I stopped running and starting become the person Jesus wanted me too be.