Yes, I understand I am stealing the title from the movie / book! But that is kinda how I am feeling. I am a shopaholic maybe even a spendaholic. I realized this about 6 months ago. Came up with a plan to help curb my shopping but have just started to realize how deep the root goes. I have started to see how my shopping probably started as a coping mechanism for whatever i was dealing with at the time and felt like I could not handle it. About a month ago i realized I was super angry about lots that had gone on in my life that had hurt me but I thought I had dealt with it. And I did in a sense with the latest outfit. But i what I realized is that now that i am not allowing my self to deal with things in the same way all this stuff is coming back up the the surface.
I would like to take a minute to just say that shopaholics is a real thing that people are really addicted to I can witness the fact that when I don't buy something it actuality physically hurts and the high I get from buying a new outfit is indescribable My heart is racing just thinking about it> I am starting to see how much it effects my life. Why I work where I work how i dress the way i dress.
I was talking to one friend about it and he said something to the effect of 'i see you have stoped frivolous shopping. I made me laugh cause I think he missed something. I would go with out food, I would not go grocery shopping for extended periods of time just so I could have the newest top. what i have been doing is so much deeper than spending poorly.
BUT WHAT I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO TALK ABOUT today is that shopping is a coping mechanism some people drink some do drugs some kiss boys or girls or a combination of things we often do something to hide or true emotions but what I am wondering is we are not selling ourselves short? Are we not worth more? Do we realize how destructive our actions are? Or how much they effect. I am starting to realize I am worth more than a new outfit. that sentence stuns me to see it. It seems so simple yet it reaches deep with in me. it is scary and liberating. I matter. WOw.
it makes me think about how I am part of a generation that deserves everything, (hummer, great job, perfect lover, great wonderful house with the flat screen TV etc.) but we value nothing. everything is disposable it is cheaper to by something new than fix the old one. I think this culture effects how we view ourselves more than we want to admit.
So then what are we left with broken people who don't value ourselves... what can we do with that? how do we learn that we are pretty awesome, great, and valuable?
