accepttance.

There is such a longing in all our hearts to feel like we belong to feel accepted. To be part of something. There is this huge tension thou to be unique to be different to stand out to be special. How do we balance that tension???
This idea has been something I have struggled with for my life. I never felt like I fit in or belonged any where or with any one. I often felt like I had to pretend to be someone of something I am not. I was often scared that Everyone who did 'love' me was doing that out of obligation or as some sick joke that would blow up in my face one day.
I am always reminded of this situation when I was on grade 5. I always had a really hard time making friends when I was little but this group of girls from grade 5 took me under there wing and befriended my or at least that is what I thought Until, one day they took me aside after school and explained that they did not really want to be my friend. This incident has left a deep wound in my heart.
My response to this I have done everything in my power to not fit in. No matter what was going on, the way I dress, my belief system, where, how or why I live my life I have fought tooth and nail to make sure was different, was special, unique. But this is a lonely place. And a place were I often push away people that do care.
I had my birthday the other day. Not a big one or anything but a birthday. I was overwhelmed by all the facebook messages, text messages and phone calls I got. I have just moved to a new city 8 months ago and already there was a group of people who loved me. It started to sink in that these people really love me. And yes some are deeper than others but love me all the same. Even with my funny haircut, bright clothes and even louder personality. They love me. I wish I could explain how profound or meaningful this feels. It is like a switch went of in my heart. Will I forever wonder if it is all a game? Probably A little bit. But something changed.
I am accepted!